I didn’t realise how far I’d fallen until the last couple of days. Things that remind me of you. Thinking I’ve seen your face in the crowd, when I haven’t really. And my heat sinks.I wonder if you feel the same. Do you feel this pain? Maybe now I understand why you left me all … More You.

Holding on

Honestly? It’s been a crap 2 weeks. I’ve stayed sober, healthy & very much to myself. I’ve hardly been over the doorstep & I’ve fallen into a pretty deep depression. I’ve been dreaming about the three friends I’ve lost in the last few weeks, which makes it even harder when I wake up. I can … More Holding on


   (Impossibility, by the wonderful Lang Leav.)  It’s like she took the words right out of my heart. I think this is why I never let anybody in anymore. My guard is always up. I try to be optimistic in everything I do, I trust easily & I know that my best & worst flaw … More Jaded


   I usually have a bit of a detox during the week anyway, but this time I’m aiming for the long term, as oppose to “till Friday”. So the above is what I drink from when I wake up in the morning. Lemon water isn’t that bad, I quite enjoy it (ice cold, straight from … More Detoxing 

Silence again

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said to myself “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this depressed”. Just when I think I couldn’t feel any worse, it happens. There surely comes a point where you really do hit rock bottom, surely. Is this it?  I took my last Zopiclone at 3am as sleep … More Silence again

Midnight Demons

So I wrote last nights post in bed, in the dark, on my iPhone. Woke up this morning & thought, Wait! I’m going to have to change my username if I do this! Oh, the irony.  I also didn’t mention how my fall out with my best friend had caused me to trash my bedroom, … More Midnight Demons

New start.

It’s been a while since I last posted. I seem to have lost the writing bug. My life has been a bit of a mess recently. But tonight I’ve decided that I need to make a change. I woke up this morning with yet another hangover, only this time I was also filled with regret. … More New start.


17 Years. That’s 17 years at least, that I’ve battled with self harm. My memory is too fuzzy to pin point an exact date/year, but I know it’s been a long time. Too long! It doesn’t matter how long I go without ever having the slightest thought about it, it’s always going to be there, waiting … More Timebomb